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Post by blizzard on Apr 4, 2011 14:23:18 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: I will not be commentating on Bill Blakk right now because, yet again, not a single thought has been created by that low IQ'ed rapist. If this competition was hypocrisy, he'd already have this thing in the bag. Yeah, repeatedly say that I say the same shit over and over again, that means you're saying the same shit over and over. Dumbass.
I'm going to go back to my good old buddy, Centurion, for the rest of this promo. This might be unexpected to go things this way but I'm actually going to thank Centurion for a career of battles. Though I will never regard him as an equal (he isn't), he is someone that I respect. It takes a lot of guts to go out there and get your ass kicked on a regular basis year after year after year. Truthfully, if I were him, I would have found a new profession after year one. But good ole Andy stuck to it and he's accomplished a lot, compared to someone who hasn't won anything like Bill Blakk. I respect Andy enough that I'm going to reach out my hand right now and offer him the opportunity to become my secretary. I pay pretty damn well when you consider how low minimum wage is. Of course, the position will require him to work out of Mexico City, so he'll be working below minimum wage. But at least he'll be able to say that he did something important before he died!
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 4, 2011 15:19:29 GMT -6
TweeZer is shown in a makeshift gym in his garage. He's sparring with a trainer and working on some high-flying moves. A reporter approaches the ring and waits for a moment before TweeZer stops the action and discusses a few reversals with his sparring partner.
Excuse me, TweeZer. I don't mean to interrupt your workout, but could I ask why you've chosen to stop addressing the other competitors in your Fed Cup match?
Honestly? It's because it's depressing. I came here because I heard there was a WRESTLING event. That's what I'm here for. To WRESTLE. Every time I tune in and see what's going on with my competitors, all they're doing is badmouthing each other on a personal level, throwing homophobic lines around and just acting like children. And to see people that I once looked up to just sitting there getting fat and drinking, talking about how amazing they continue to be even though they're well past their prime.. It's just sad. I'm in this to fight IN THE RING. The verbal battles mean nothing to me. Maybe I'm not as clever as the older guys, maybe I'm not as threatening as the tough guys. But I've spent the better part of my life training to WRESTLE IN THE RING. If the "grown-ups" want to bitch at each other and talk about how great they are, that's fine by me. But I tried it, and I didn't like it. It's not me. I make my point in the ring, I'm not interested in leaving flaming bags of verbal poop on people's doorsteps. Now if you'll excuse me..
TweeZer continues his training, adding a little bit more aggression to his moves to prove a point.
TweeZer wants to win.
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Post by blizzard on Apr 4, 2011 15:29:18 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: Look at TweeZer, the epitome of maturity. He's up and above promoting a match because he's just there to wrassle, damn it!
I hate to break it to you, slappy, but your job as a wrestler is to come out and entertain the fans, before and during your match. That's why I've been incredibly successful and why you're... well, you. I get it, you really want to focus on the match at hand and make sure that you do everything that you can to win. That's quite alright. The thing is, your lack of foresight is going to prevent you from ever accomplishing something important in this business and that's what it is, a business. Pretend that this is some pure athletic competition and it's only going to hold you down. You've got to play the game, man, if you want to reach the top. I'm not saying you have to do it with an incredible amount of style like every time I have the microphone but at least put in some effort. It's no coincidence that the best talkers in our game tend to be the best athletes. It comes down to intelligence at the very base of everything, something I'm sure you lack.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 4, 2011 20:27:24 GMT -6
BILL smiles up at the camera and laughs. BILL: Aidan, have you ever heard the phrase 'foist in your own petard'? I doubt it, but I will demonstrate it's meaning for you.
Now I just sampled a few of your promos at random and I have pulled out a few quotes at random.
You said: '...Bill did you honestly say I smell good?' Actually what I said was you smell better than Lucy's usual class of dates, which I imagine is a collection of vagrants, transients and aspiring musicians, and I assumed that you owned a home or two you would shower on a regular basis...sorry you found that offensive. Knowing that you are averse to showering, I will now have to ask you to wrestle downwind from me.
You also said: 'I'd be lying and that's not something I do.' Unless of course you are calling some one fat or gay when there is no evidence to support either. Or your mouth is open and words are coming out.
You also said: 'Bill Blakk...your opinion doesn't matter because you are a nobody.' Yet who was the person you went after first, just after hitting on Lucy? Me. Who have you talked the most trash to? Me. So obviously, my opinion means SOMETHING to you. Or maybe you are scared of all young performers because one day their career might overshadow yours.
Truth Until Death, Blizzy. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 4, 2011 21:16:02 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: I'm going to ignore Bill once again on the subject of how I smell. He's clearly obsessed with it, and it's creepy, but there's nothing for me to gain by addressing that weird shit. Moving on...
You're trying to make the case that I've been only addressing you, Bill, when that's a load of crap. The reason why I've spoken the most about you is because you've spoken the most about me. I didn't come out here and say "HEY EVERYBODY, I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT BILL BLAKK BECAUSE HE'S SO IMPORTANT". I only addressed you after you went out of your way to insinuate that I've lost my touch. What am I supposed to do, just sit back and let some no-name, talentless, face-painted dumbass try to take shots at me? You're out of line and I didn't bust my ass to get to the top of this sport so I could let some random jerkoff run his mouth.
As far as me "fabricating" that you're fat, I recommend you take a look in a fucking mirror. You want to know what's fat? It's your face, your beer belly, your fupa, your double D's. Your softer than Pillsbury.
All and all, the only thing that you've proven to me so far is that you're some obese idiot, dressed as a clown, that (when he isn't drunk driving) can't stop yammering how I smell.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 5, 2011 0:49:09 GMT -6
BILL smiles at the camera. BILL: Aidan, I get it, you aren't dealing with reality. I can prove it. Let's examine a few more statements you made.
You said, '...the only reason I haven't competed recently is I was too busy helping keep the XWF alive for the past year.' Really, Aidan, because I know Steve Jason, Big Shank and James Raven did all the public work. What'd you do, hold their jocks? Sounds like your taking credit for work you didn't do.
You said, 'Once you've been to the top of the game like I have, there's little incentive to keep pushing needlessly.' So why are you here again? Must be more of that lying that you don't do.
You said that you want to be a modern Alexander...So Alexander was a gay Macedonian prince with a child fetish that wanted to rule the world? So...is there something you want to tell everyone Aidan? To quote something else you said, please don't pull a dildo out at this point.
And again frat boy there's not an ounce of fat on me...at this point, I suspect you have some sort of mental problem...you can afford medical coverage, right Aidan? Look, if I were any more talented I'd have an 'S' on my chest and a cape around my neck. I'll prove it when I throw you and everyone else out of the ring and win the WPW Fed Cup. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 5, 2011 2:52:23 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: Clearly you have no idea how a wrestling company is run. I was a majority shareholder in the XWF meaning that I literally owned a tangible portion of the XWF. I made employment decisions, implemented booking strategies, and hired people like Dante Anglais, as well as developing and managing talent. I never said that I did it all myself, but if you're ignoring the fact that I was part of a team that kept the XWF alive during the summer and fall of last year, you're ignoring reality.
You've really gripped onto the Alexander thing like he wasn't the prototypical depiction of power on Earth. Dude controlled most of the free world and you're going to instead dig into the sociological acts of Greek Antiquity? It's like someone saying that they want to be the next Michael Jordan and you equating it with the desire to be a fifty year old who is retired and divorced. The fact that you can't acknowledge such a mundane comparison shows the extent to which you're stretching your claims and your lack of understanding towards basic simile. I never said that I wanted to diddle kids, I said I wanted to have the power of Alexander. You're basically putting words into my mouth and I really think it's based around some fucked up fantasy you can't get over.
Oh, and the fact that you can't get through a fucking sentence without having to directly quote me is only broadcasting your ineptitude to the world, twit.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 5, 2011 7:46:06 GMT -6
BILL lights a cigar and looks into the camera. BILL: With Aidan 'Bliz' Collins now thoroughly proven to be a lying idiot who is operating nowhere within a reality anyone can understand (By quoting him and then tearing apart his quotes, I only borrowed his style, something he used to call the 'Quote Crusher'...but in the hands of some one else used against him...it's a bad thing) I now move on to others in this match. TweeZer, love the fact that you are hanging in there, love the fact that you tossed me the torch, but at this point, you have to show up...and I will be happy to eliminate you.
Sp1ce One. Anybody else, I'd try to think up something slightly more intelligent for, but you get this...f**k Off and Die...or better yet f**k Off and get in my way so I can kill you!
Cent, Mauler, I salute the both of you. I look forward to the competiition...but the minute I have the opportunity you both will sail over that top rope.
There's a handful of people like Lucy that I didn't mention...but they aren't really important. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 5, 2011 14:21:20 GMT -6
Aidan Collins was found laughing in delirious stupor once hearing that Bill Blakk made the insane assertion that he operated within the confines of the truth. The hysteria was aided by the ridiculous thought that Bill Blakk did the quote crusher correctly or that he even has the right to use it in the first place. Not that it's the first time that Aidan Collins has been directly plagiarized and it's not even that he's surprised that Bill Blakk would make such an ass out of himself... it's the fact that Bill Blakk sincerely believes that there's any substance behind a single thing he's said. Aidan hasn't laughed this hard in a long time, not since Lucy nearly choked on his nut this past weekend. Aidan won't be able to comment at this time, this shit is pure laughing gas.
Aidan will rejoin this melee after copping some dome and finding his breath.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 5, 2011 15:39:03 GMT -6
BILL BLAKK when asked about this so called news story had this to say: BILL: Aidan in a stupor? Call it a preview of coming attractions.We'll rejoin these promos after a commercial announcement, probably featuring Aidan Collins exploiting his fans by selling some ridiculously overpriced and useless products. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 5, 2011 15:42:32 GMT -6
Aidan thinks about cutting another promo but then realizes that it's only him and the transvestite Bill Blakk trading barbs. Finding that this is no longer fun because Bill Blakk has the IQ of a Chia Pet, he does something more worthwhile. Like staring at paint.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 5, 2011 23:13:15 GMT -6
Realizing that Aidan Collins has grown tired of the sound of his own voice and with no one else stepping up to the plate, BILL decides to settle back and relax and watch a good Aidan Collins movie...oh, wait, no he doesn't...there's no such thing. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 5, 2011 23:17:57 GMT -6
This week on Bill Blakk's A Homosex... With no one else stepping up to the plate, BILL decides to settle back and relax and watch a good Aidan Collins movie... Next week on Bill Blakk's A Homosex... |
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Post by BillBlakkXWF on Apr 6, 2011 7:08:06 GMT -6
Another fight has brroken out at the bar, and BILL is once more in the thick of it. The Bartender has a poster board sign that reads:
SIGN: I think Aidan wishes I were fat and gay to fulfill...
The bartender pulls a second sign from behind the first and moves it in front. That sign reads:
SIGN: some homosexual masturbatory fantasy he has. - signed BILL
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Post by blizzard on Apr 6, 2011 13:51:50 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: First, it was the Chewbacca defense.
Flashback to Johnnie Cochran saying "it doesn't make sense".
Aidan Collins: Now we have the Bill Blakk defense. All you have to do, folks, is take what someone said and then just go "NO, YOU". I've called Bill Blakk gay, he's said "NO, YOU". I said he's not talented and he's said "NO, YOU". It's a very easy process and anyone can do it. Even infants, especially when you consider that it was developed by an infantile mind. It's easy as 1... 2.... NO YOU.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 6, 2011 20:29:09 GMT -6
BILL is back at the bar. The fight still continues behind him but he and his guest don't seem to notice. His guest looks exactly like Sigmund Freud. BILL: Ladies and Gentlemen, a guy who looks like Sigmund Freud! Sigmund, how would you diagnose Aidan Collins?FAKE SIGMUND: Vell, Aidan seems to have ze Oedipal Complex, he makes fat jokes because he loves fat women and makes ze gay jokes because he is secretly gay.BILL: That's good enough for me.FAKE SIGMUND: Dude are you gonna pay for the pizza now or what? |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 6, 2011 21:26:20 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: NO YOU
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Post by alexandervalentine on Apr 7, 2011 0:38:04 GMT -6
Boys, boys, enough with this pandering nonsense. The real star of the show has arrived. Now Mr. Blakk, I'm sure you remember me, if not, well just goes to show how well your brain works. It seems you've risen fast to the top of totem pole. Well Mr. Blakk, if your afraid of heights, dont worry, you'll be coming down soon. You see, its simple physics, what goes up, must come down, and Mr. Blakk, I plan to bring your down crashing to earth. The hordes of your mindless fans will chant, "oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As for Mr. Collins, are you not a tad old for this. Time to move aside gramps and let the new kids play.
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Post by blizzard on Apr 7, 2011 2:11:39 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: There's a misconception that I'm getting up there in age. It's one that's made with little thought. When I made my debut in the XWF in 2006, I was the youngest member of the roster. Two years later, I was on top of the federation, one of the youngest people to ever win the Universal Title, maybe the youngest. I'm only a couple years removed from that and I'm healthy. My recent inactivity has protected my body, I'm not some beaten up body like Centurion. I've barely wrestled since my second Universal Title win, I'm that same person physically. When it comes down to it, I'm at a level that not many have ever been on. People in this match are not on my level, straight up. It's not even that they're prospects rising through the ranks, these wrestlers will always be trash.
You really think some pussy like Alexander Valentine has a chance to take out Aidan Collins? First of all, that's obviously a fake name and anyone who chooses to use that name is a total queer. This dude will never accomplish anything in the wrestling industry because he's a nobody. A never-will-body.
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Post by alexandervalentine on Apr 7, 2011 4:01:17 GMT -6
Oh hurray, Mr. Collins, you can still talk the talk, but I have yet to see you walk the walk. I have already accomplished more in my shortlife than you have, Ive ruined careers and destroyed lives. You say you've barely wrestled since your last Universal Title win, so you consider yourself rested, I consider you rusty. We'll put what you got left to the test, but till then you continue to talk yourself up. Make it out to seem like your the greatest thing in the history of the business. Well Collins, you are most definately not. You may have been hot shit back in the day, but its a new day, a new generation, and you sir, whether you admit are not, are done.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 7, 2011 7:56:55 GMT -6
BILL looks up in surprise BILL: Alexander Valentine? Aren't you the same sorry sack of shit that I crushed in my debut match? Didn't I just rip the head off of your buddy Flash Jordan two days ago...and he is actually better than you? Then you want to come here and talk shit to me? Well, you want to make sure you've got your Blue Cross paid up, because the ass kicking you are about to recieve is going to hurt like Hell! Look, you can't hang here...you might get past a TweeZer or a Lucy...but in the end you will go over the top rope...and I will win Fed Cup Chicago! |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 7, 2011 11:03:48 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: Alexander Valentine might not know this but I've taken notice of him in the XWF. Not because he's talented but because he's jumped in right away as someone I can identify as an extraordinary dumb ass. This motherfucker is hilarious to watch, with his fake sense of intellectualism. Yeah, you pull quotes from google and memorize them. Real cool, buddy. No one notices the seamless integration between your normal peasant speak and phrases that you're mentally incapable of producing. I could teach a 5-year old child to speak like you, your jaded perception of the affluent is what is keeping you from actually becoming whom you portray.
And yeah, I'm sure he'll rebuttal with some contrived story about how he's a billionaire but everyone knows that his image is a fake. In order to say that you have an IQ of 176, you need to be able to count to it first. I don't blame you for acting the way you do. You want to stick out, you want to be gnarly but you're going about it all wrong. What I recommend you do is stop slicking your hair back, it makes you look like you just got off the set of some bukkake video. Stop throwing in claims about your vast empire and come to grip with the fact that you're just some shitty wrestler. At least you're traveling the world, living the dream. It's more than most could ever say.
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 7, 2011 13:53:43 GMT -6
TweeZer's gym is quiet.
His television is turned off.
He sits in the ring, pouring with sweat.
To his left, his sparring partner is lying on his back, also sweating profusely.
Man, you are getting a lot better at those moves. This intense workout regiment is really paying off, dude.
It feels good, man. Getting in this ring and remembering why I love this sport. Thanks for taking all those bumps for me. I hope I'm not doing too much damage.
Well my back is killing me and and I think you may have cracked a rib. Other than that, I think I'll live.
Cool. Let's call it a day.
THANK YOU. I need an ice pack and a shower.
Heh. Me too.
Hey. You think Blizzard is going to watch this scene and then make it sound like we just had gay sex?
No. That would be sad, even for Blizzard.
Really?
TweeZer just looks at the camera and shakes his head.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 7, 2011 16:24:10 GMT -6
BILL rests his elbow on the bar and addresses the camera. BILL: TweeZer, I won't make the obvious gay joke, just because if you thought of it, it isn't worth my time. However, let me point out that when your sparring partner tells you how good you are, how the hell would he know? He's just a body for you to toss around...except for the idiot you hired who doesn't know how to take a fall and cracked a rib! You can't even train correctly! Every time I see you, you just get sadder and more pathetic. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 7, 2011 16:59:13 GMT -6
Aidan Collins is at home watching TweeZer's promo in 2D. Aidan Collins' has a 3D TV but watching TweeZer in 2D is bad enough. TweeZer's gym is quiet. His television is turned off. He sits in the ring, pouring with sweat. To his left, his sparring partner is lying on his back, also sweating profusely. Aidan turns the promo off and turns to the camera. Aidan Collins: Why would they ever put that Brokeback Mountain ass shit on TV? I guess I'm going to stick with the fat jokes for Bill Blakk now because TweeZer is now the definite gay one. I'm sure they'll say that they did it 'just to make a Blizzard' joke but I will not finish that smut. I have too much class. Now excuse me, I have to fart in Lucy's mouth. It's a sexual thing. For her.The scene closes with Aidan being perfectly content with his understanding of the TweeZer promo. |
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 7, 2011 17:25:28 GMT -6
Hey. You think Blizzard is going to watch this scene and then make it sound like we just had gay sex? No. That would be sad, even for Blizzard. Really?TweeZer just looks at the camera and shakes his head. Aidan Collins: Why would they ever put that Brokeback Mountain ass shit on TV? Sigh. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 7, 2011 17:57:21 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: I don't know what's wider, Bill Blakk's fat stomach or the talent gap between me and these scrubs or TweeZer's asshole. Bill Blakk has 2ks in his last name because he literally weighs a metric ton. TweeZer's digustingly green tights have a zipper in the back just in case a rapist jumps in the ring. It's literally his biggest fantasy to be raped in a full stadium and he's prepared to receive rape-ige. Alexander Valentine is so stupid that he actually believes people don't know how stupid he is. Centurion is so old that his name now makes sense. Nigga's pushing 100. Spice-1's only friend on facebook is Tom from Myspace. I hate that bitch.
I have so much aggression and anger from these losers that I'm going to rage-bone Lucy so hard I'll probably rip through like a dozen condoms. YOU WILL ALL FEEL THE FREEZE.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 7, 2011 23:16:32 GMT -6
BILL looks at the camera. BILL: Someone get call Aidan's executive assistant, he's forgotten to take his Zoloft again. TweeZe, were you actually surprised that Aidan made a gay joke out of that. That is the saddest and most pathetic thing I've seen out of you so far.
Winning the Fed Cup will be far, far too easy. |
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Post by blizzard on Apr 8, 2011 0:18:16 GMT -6
Aidan Collins: Shut up, you fat motherfucker. I'm drunk as hell right now but despite the world turning on me, I can tell that you are a cholesterol filled maggot.
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 8, 2011 2:08:20 GMT -6
BILL draws himself to his six foot six height, and looks down at his bodybuilder's frame. BILL: I cant help whatever 'visions' you might be having there Bliz, but again there is not an ounce of fat on me, for you to keep insisting that there is shows either the height of your idiocy, or the fact that your obsession with fat people has now tipped over into some wierd mental disorder where you see fat where there is none. Either way, I WILL be the one to bounce you out of that ring and win the WPW Fed Cup. |
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