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Post by TweeZer on Apr 1, 2011 10:49:40 GMT -6
TweeZer just laughs to himself, head in hands.. He looks up at the camera with a wide smile on his face..
This is outstanding. We've got a ten cent whore complaining about how a steroid case is using an old picture of himself so he'll look more powerful, a greasy Italian stereotype trying desperately to hold on to a title that makes it seem like anyone who could qualify for the Special Olympics could win easily, and some long haired freak who apparently doesn't have the brain capacity to pick up a Zippo at the drug store, so he lights his cigarettes with a blow torch. Yeah, THAT's the way to go.
All this posturing and bragging has me wondering. Do any of these people even know how to wrestle? While they're all comparing how big their dicks are, I'm in the gym TRAINING. I don't know how serious theese Hollywood stereotypes are trying to get a little attention, but I'm DEAD SERIOUS about what I do in that ring, and I will not take well to ANYONE who treats this like a Halloween party. While they posture and brag, I'm learning these fools' moves and their weaknesses. For most of them, it's their below average brain capacity. But MAN, are they good at WHINING! Me, I'm good at WINNING!
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 10:59:35 GMT -6
its April Fools day and ths fed cupis filled with fools, so what if i lke to f**k and suck does that make me a slut Mauler i am sorry that you are gay ans i am sorry that XWF has to send its Gene Simmions reject into the Fed cup i am also sorry,TweeZer that you think i need money and canonly get some from drunks, Girls like me give it up drunk or sober but only when i want to, say i have promblems but i am young and full of fun unlke Mauler, who dumb and dual!! Cause I can do stuff that good girls can't!!!
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 1, 2011 11:14:46 GMT -6
As the fight still rages behind BILL he has one man in a headlock while he punches him repeatedly in the head. BILL looks up and sees the camera and lets the guy he was punching go. The man slides bonelessly to the floor. BILL: TweeZe, TweeZe, TweeZe. Yup, My lighter puts out a lot of flame. It's saved my life once or twice as a bounty hunter and as I mentioned earlier, I regularly beat the hell out of and arrest guys that would eat you for breakfast. And for the record, this isn't a wrestling match...it's an over the top rope battle royal which means I can give you a righteous ass kicking and then toss your useless unconscious ass right over the top rope. And as for you Miss Lucy Useless Condom, you only wish that I were a Gene Simmons reject because then I might f**k you. I know you need a real man but all I have for you is a one way ticket out of the fed cup and the name of a good doctor for your std.
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 1, 2011 11:17:28 GMT -6
TWeeZer can only continue to chuckle as he sit on his workout bench, toweling off after an intense workout..
Lucy, you're taking all the fun out of this for me. Here I am, trying to belittle your character by calling you a dried up, gutter trash skank, and all you can do is continually justify what I'm saying! You make Snooki look like Princess Diana for crying out loud!
I'm thinking Bill, Tony Ravioli and Mystic Pizza over there should all line up and take turns spitting on you, because according to a website I found, you love being belittled and humiliated by anyone who will risk the ten foot radius where your variety of airborne venereal diseases can spread. That way, you may be the focus of SOMETHING in your life, because you certainly aren't going to be the focus of the Fed Cup event. Until then, just shut your stupid mouth and get me a Vitamin Water before I slap some homeless guys' man juice out of your mouth.
TweeZer heads back to the workout bench and gets back to his workout.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 11:31:12 GMT -6
Whatever these guys are just jellous that am enjoying life to the fullest and can, you see boys i don't need wrestling! I do t to have fun, call me a gmick whore if it makes you fell better but lets face it have worked hard to achive hat have in wrestling, am I a party girl hell yea, do i enjoy life hell yea,lets face all these fools are fools, or as Mr. T once said I pitty these fools!!!
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 1, 2011 11:34:04 GMT -6
TweeZer is clearly not concerned about his competition, but he is concerned about something else. I'm looking at the competition in this match, and I have got to admit, I am so prepared for this. Look at what I'm dealing with here? The "King" seems like an afterthought who can only fall back on catchphrases that used to work when he was the only one in the competition. The only woman in the match seems more interesting in scoring with some random dude then win a match, and then there's the BOUNTY HUNTER. Bill Blakk. I've known some cool bounty hunters in my day. Greedo,..Boba Fett.. Dog.. Somehow, the name "Bill Blakk" never comes up on the big list. So I wonder. By "bounty hunter," are you saying that you head out to the grocery store to buy the right brand of paper towels when your wife sends you out to buy her pads and Cheetos? Sure, I know it's a lame joke, but I'm not a comedian, I'm a WRESTLER. You getting this yet? I'm here to win, and my only fear is that you amateurs are going to screw up one of my great moves and make me look bad. I have one single need beyond the victory at this event. I need one good picture for my new poster. I hope one of you can take my finisher correctly so I can look as good as we all know I am. Don't let me down, fools.
TweeZer is going to win this. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 12:08:49 GMT -6
TweeZer your not winning shit execpt being the young punk kid this WpW where i have allready earned victorys and matchs unlike said you you e call this a gimmick of being a slut but i like to f**k but honestly why would i do you or anything likr you at least Toney has class and i have an ass
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 1, 2011 12:46:50 GMT -6
Correction, gutter girl. Tony has gas and you ARE an ass.
TweeZer laughs at his lousy joke.
I'll tell you what, LOOSEy. If you show up for the event' I'll let you give me a handy before the event. That might loosen me up a little. Of course. I'll need you to boil yourself first and put on three pairs of surgical gloves first. And Tony, you can film it. That's about all we'll need you for this time around. Your days of being the "King" are long gone. Go ahead and drift into the back, grab a camera and make yourself useful.
There's a mall in Mystic Connecticut called the Mystic Mall. Is that how that other guy got his name? Does his finisher involve getting a great deal on shoes?
And Bounty Hunter, I encourage you in your hunt for a new career, because wrestling AIN'T IT.
Can I PLEASE get back to my workout now please? Thank you. And stop interrupting me unless you have something substantial to say, you morons.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 13:00:14 GMT -6
sex in the morning sex at night, i like sex is that allright, you might be hot you might be grean but you way over your head Tweez, what kind of name is that, you look a kid and act like a brat, your name games might be all you got but be cafefull cause Chi town is my city!!!
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 1, 2011 13:39:52 GMT -6
TweeZer rubs his head in complete disillusion.
Lucy. Ilike you. I'm sure you're a wonderful person. But Now I'm just sad for you. I don't think you even know what you're doing. Do you have a manager/pimp whose telling you that this is what you WANT to do? You aren't good at speaking, I KNOW you aren't going to be at wrestling, and I'm starting to think you're a runaway or something who's being fed a steady stream of narcotics and brainwashed into thinking she's doing something useful.
I can almost guarantee that there are some very bad photos and videos of you online, and I'm in no hurry to find them. Just do yourself a favor and give up. Run away from the bad people trying to make money off you. Just move on. Find help. At first it was funny, now I'm worried about you.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 13:58:20 GMT -6
I do what ever i want whenever i want, I am Lucy U famous for more things then one, kid, you have a lot to learn and ever more resurch to do if your going to make here in wpw! Kid you might be quite but dang you are a rookie around here, goodluck your going to need it kid!!
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 1, 2011 14:34:21 GMT -6
The fight at the bar continues. BILL swings a bar stool, hitting a near by man and sending him flying through a table. He puts down the stool and sits on it and turns to the camera. BILL: Tweeze, Tweeze. Really, since you can't find a point to attack me on, you decide to make shit up? Wow, you argue like an 8 year old...probably wrestle like one too. You talk about how hard you've trained...but you are a newcomer. Me, I've spent the better part of the last ten years fighting for my life and livelihood. The fact is, sport, say what you want about me...but you CANNOT beat me. You are an amateur chump who has bitten off more than he can chew. And Lucy, we all get it you are a turbo whore and quite happy that way...but what has that got to do with winning this match. The fact is I am going to walk away with the fed cup...and there is nothing, not a damn thing any of you can do about it.
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Post by andycortinovis on Apr 1, 2011 14:39:22 GMT -6
(Standing in front of the camera is XWF legend Andy Cortinovis. The 34 year old has clearly seen his better days, but he still stands in front of the camera with confidence.)
Well, well. The Fed Cup, eh? There are lots of things in my career that I wish I could have accomplished, but was unable to do so. Against my better judgment, and the judgment of those around me, you can count me in! I mean, if TweeZer is going to do this, then I have at least a good chance at winning. Really? TweeZer! Does everyone realize that TweeZer was a joke in the XWF? The man hasn't fought in years. I may be getting old, but I SERIOUSLY hope I can beat that joker.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 14:48:30 GMT -6
all these XWF jokes have the guts to call me a whore when they are the ones whoreing themselfs here in WpW, what is there a reward or something there after all if i was in XWF I would run cicles around them all, come on kids are you tired of the bif time yet, i am not so what do i look like a slut it don't mean nothing i do what i want when i want i am Lucy U neise of WPW World Champion Firebomb!!!! Get it got it good Bitch!!!
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Post by andycortinovis on Apr 1, 2011 15:10:25 GMT -6
(Andy Cortinovis sits in his high priced suit and fedora behind his desk at the Centurion Casino and Hotel as he speaks directly into the camera.)
Oh Lucy. You are so funny. While I do not echo the statements of some of the superstars who claim to be from the "XWF", the idea that you would run circles around that competition is plain ridiculous. Though, to be fair, you may be able to, seeing the sad state of affairs that the XWF has fallen into lately. That federation used to be a place of honor and respect, where all the greatest would compete in matches that were brutal and bloody. Now? It's the federation of Bill Blakk. It's safe to say that, not only is the XWF dead, but Jon Brown is burning the memories. But this isn't about him, or the XWF. This is about winning one of the most prestigious titles in the wrestling community, and adding one last trophy to my mantle.
Looking around...I am not scared of any of the competition I see around me. All a lot of yelling and belittling. I would venture to guess to say that all of these wrestlers, combined, don't have the career I do. You beat up big, tough guys, Bill? Congratulations. I'll be sure to remind you of that fact when I toss you over the top rope.
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Aerik Walker
superstar
No More Hiding... I Am Who I Am.
Posts: 52
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Post by Aerik Walker on Apr 1, 2011 15:30:11 GMT -6
(Mystic raises his head, looking around. His eyes are barely open, and it appears that he's fallen asleep at the table. A card is stuck to his forehead, and it takes the big man a few moments to realize this and remove it.)
"You see? No one in this Fed Cup is interesting. You got the same old boring rambling from Lucy about how she's a whore, she's as easy as Sunday morning, and how he's attempting to showoff her rhyming skills by doing really poor imitations of a gone-to-shit Doctor Seuss story. Not impressed, Lucy. Not intimidated, not impressed, not bothered. I could sit here all day and ramble on and on about gutterslut this, cumguzzlin' sperm dumpster that, but to what extent? Who HASN'T drawn that conclusion already about you? For Chrissakes, you openly admitted about sexual fantasies that've included a great number of guys in this match!
Then there's the case of Bill Blakk, the bounty hunter. He is a bounty hunter, just not like the ones Tweezer mentioned. He's hunting down the guy from the Bounty paper towels. Speaking of Tweezer, at first, I thought he was going to be just like the other wannabes that come and go, but he's right. I hate being interrupted by insignificant things... like being told that there's a mall in my hometown that just so happens to -- surprise! -- be named the Mystic Mall. Look that up on Wikipedia, did ya? Congrats. You're officially now a Grade-A moron. Kudos. As for the rest: Jamar, Jeffy who? Exactly. I don't care, never did, never will. He ain't in this match, ain't in my crosshairs, ain't in my mind. This isn't about him. This is about you doing your job... whatever that may be. Andy, another veteran. Should be interesting. I look forward to doing battle with you, again. What, don't think I remember? C'mon. I've been around awhile. You could say that I, soon myself, will be a commander of a century. This one. Trust me."
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 15:31:05 GMT -6
God are you boring me, can we have some fun or what! why are you still talking, Dear God I promice to be good girl if you just make these XWF morons shut up, please oh please! you know what we need we need a players day, yea, yea now i am being just as boreing as you even Tommy Powers is asleap allready ! Goodnight!!!!
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Post by Jamar Matthews on Apr 1, 2011 15:38:26 GMT -6
Jamar hears his name mentioned by Mystic and cut on the camera.
Jamar Matthews: Mystic, you gots no room to be tellin' deez XdubEfs they dumb when you said TOny Ruiz be only one to win 3 Fed Cup in row. I called yo ass out on dat sheet. Admit yous was wrong. I's wuz right. You do April Fool. We got 10 days of me rippin on you if you don't admit you wuz wrong Mysty.
And Centurion Andy boy getcho butt back to jerkin off to that chinese golfer chick Michele Wie. Lucy U I ain't not got no idea wut cho be tawkin bouts round cheer.
Camera fades.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 15:45:02 GMT -6
Jamar, what you talking about brother, i know a fly man like you likes to party just like lody dody, but what is up with all these clowns enter this Fed cup i might be some tits and ass but i am tits and ass that can fight and rumblw with the best. cause i like to party and rock steady and soon we will have a fed cup winner and her name will be Lucy U!!!!
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 1, 2011 15:47:27 GMT -6
How wonderful that I have other competitors to prove people wrong. Andy Cortinovis is absolutely correct. I was in the XWF ages ago, and while I was not the greatest name in the league, I held my own quite well and won my fair share of matches, even taking the cruiserweight title at one point. So for Bill Blakk to call me a newcomer is just plain silly. Do your research, bounty hunter. Perhaps this is why you've turned to wrestling, since your fact finding abilities are far too lacking to find anything you've "hunted."
Andy is right about one thing, the XWF is very different now, but that's not what this is about. If he's going to come to WPW to badmouth the XWF, he's not going to impress anyone here. I'm here to fight, which is something I don't hear a lot of other people talking about. Some of them want to go on about how great they are at bounty hunting, some want to go on about what a whore they are, and some just want to dwell on what they once were. I'm about NOW. I've paid my dues, and I'm ready to prove it to all of you.
Just keep underestimating me. I dare you.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 15:48:47 GMT -6
Now everyone is talkinag about XWF, well f**k XWF and i don't mean the way f**k that you guys think!! This is WpW and we rock the show and when the show is rocking Chi Town the party is going to rocking all night long! HO! HO! HO! yep that me party like a rock star and live life to the fullest and enjoy it cause you only live once folks
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Aerik Walker
superstar
No More Hiding... I Am Who I Am.
Posts: 52
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Post by Aerik Walker on Apr 1, 2011 15:52:24 GMT -6
(Mystic laughs. He wipes the tears from his eyes as he composes himself.)
"Ah, Jamar, you great big sack of useless oxygen. Maybe I was wrong. That doesn't change the fact that you don't stand a ghost of a chance in beating me, eliminating me or anything else. Remember that fatal fourway back in 2004, when I took out you, Superstar Will and Velimir Radinovic? Back when I was the All-Time Television champ? You talked a big game and when it came time to fighting, you were outta there quicker than the dudes that sleep with Lucy. So sit around and talk all the shit you want, Jamar. Nothing changes the fact that you are never going to be in the same league as me.
I hear all the talking and yapping about how I'm just an old man who's clinging onto whatever light he believes he has. Looking for that one last ray of sunlight to beam on my ass before I hop on my horse and ride off into the sunset. It's pathetic, really. Like that same thing hasn't been riddled to death by every moron that's ever faced me. You can beat me down. You can take my dignity. You can embarrass me in front of the world. You can come close to murdering me. NOTHING will change the fact that I'm still one-hundred percent, going to kick some ass in Chicago. Going to toss bodies over the top rope. Going to win the Fed Cup. Going to Wrestival. The rest of you? You're just going to have to deal with it."
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Post by andycortinovis on Apr 1, 2011 16:04:06 GMT -6
(Andy rubs his chin while he looks into the camera.)
Mystic Mauler? Hmm...interesting. I must say, it is not ringing a bell...though, when you've been taking chair shots to the head for 10 years, you start forgetting things a bit easier. I take your word for it, though, that we have done battle on a previous occasion. We would both have been quite younger then we are now. I've logged quite a few miles, and what my body may have taken away, my mind retains. I dare you to find someone in this match who has as much experience as I. Maybe yourself, Mauler. One thing can be made certain, though...all these other competitors don't threaten either of us.
And Jamar...the only reason I'm even bringing you up is because, in the course of that mindless babble, you said my name...and something about Michelle Wie. I'm assuming that's some sort of joke about how I used to date Asians. Hilarious. Michelle Wie is Korean, FYI...but I'm sure that wasn't the point. Whatever your point was, it was lost on me, as it was the rest of the world.
And Lucy, the person who keeps bringing up the XWF is you. If I were you, I would stop talking so much about a federation you were never a part of, and focus more on defending your honor. That has taken quite a hit lately.
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Aerik Walker
superstar
No More Hiding... I Am Who I Am.
Posts: 52
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Post by Aerik Walker on Apr 1, 2011 16:12:57 GMT -6
(Mystic makes a brief smirk.)
"Aye, Andy. The days of yore when it was more about respect of your fellow superstars and less about the who, what, when, where, why and how. Back when this sport actually meant something; back when a loss to a veteran was a humbling experience.
Nowadays, it's about belittling someone, creating the ultimate facade and then lying through your teeth to get whoever is willing to listen on your side. I tire of the same monotonous half-assed comebacks and put-downs and long for the day when, much like yourself, the experienced few that survive and live to breathe another day are looked upon for experience and wisdom, and not as a step-stool to whatever lies beyond...
I guess, nowadays, that would be asking for a modern-day miracle. Miracles that do not exist..."
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Post by Jamar Matthews on Apr 1, 2011 16:14:53 GMT -6
Jamar's name is mentioned again so he cuts on the camera.
Jamar Matthews: Mystic yous just can't admit yous be wrong. You says MAYBE. It be fact you wuz wrong kissing up to Tony Ruiz sayin' he is only person win Tree Fed cups in a row. You wuz wrong bissch. Stomach it big boy. Deal widdit Admit dat sheet. Or spend 10 MO days of hell bein reminded. Mystapril Foo.
He then chuckles.
Jamar: At least Centurion Andy pretty much confurmmm what I's wuz talkin abouts. Sho nuff I bout done wiff you April's fools fo' today. I come to windy city to fight bess beleed dat mister tweeter. Let dat Lucy find yo willy with dem tweezers durin dat handy. And Lucy U I's on camera and gots a wife and chyll support to pay so can't be dealin wit chu rat now. Git on bout yo biz.
Camera fades.
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Aerik Walker
superstar
No More Hiding... I Am Who I Am.
Posts: 52
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Post by Aerik Walker on Apr 1, 2011 16:24:44 GMT -6
(Mystic chuckles again, pointing at the camera.)
"Jamar, seriously, nobody cares whether I'm right or wrong. Seriously. You're the only one pointing out a fact like that, no one else even mentioned a damn thing about it. You want to know some other interesting facts? Here's a good one: I've never lost to your child-support payin' ass, and ain't about to start to. Another fact: you repeatin' the same old dumb bull is gonna get the rest of your four teeth lodged down your neck, boy. Think I'm playin'? I've never backed down from no one, never in my life, and I'm certainly not going to with you involved. You think that you got a chance to win this Fed Cup? You got a lot of hurdles to jump, Jamar. I suggest you start by sayin' your prayers and hopin' that the good Lord is on your side in Chicago, cuz I've got ten ways to prove the only way you're leaving Chicago is in a bodybag. 'Bess belee dat, sucka.'"
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Post by TweeZer on Apr 1, 2011 16:39:55 GMT -6
TweeZer is seen staring at his screen, squinting with his ear to the speaker like he's desperate to figure something out.
Um.. I would love to to take Jabar's side on all this, but I can't figure out for the life of me what this guy is saying. Did he study "Ebonics For Crackheads" while we were all taking a regular sized bus to a normal school?
I think we should get Jabar and Lucy together in one room, and I will personally use my own money to pay for them both to get fixed. And while we're at the clinic, let's get Mystic Man tested for performance enhancers..
This is sad.
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Post by andycortinovis on Apr 1, 2011 16:52:52 GMT -6
(Andy nods, listening to all that has been said.)
You're a very wise man, Mauler. You are correct, the days when competitors can enter the ring and battle to find who the better man is are over. Now, everything has to be fueled by hatred. Ha, look at us old fools. Talking about the day of 'ole. Were just like those old veterans we saw when we came in, talking about how great the "old days" were. I never thought I would see the day when I become just like them.
And TweeZer, I have not come here to badmouth the XWF. That opportunity just seems to present itself, given that the new crop of XWF talent had decided to enter the match. I love the XWF - at least, the XWF I fought for. And why are you so defensive anyway, TweeZer. You haven't been around in years. Suddenly you're the great defender of a federation you fought very little for. Please. Talk to me when you have any sort of credibility. Until then, don't talk me about the XWF. I think I've earned the right to say what I want.
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Post by Lucille Ulisse Commito on Apr 1, 2011 17:53:59 GMT -6
oh please,every other word was XWF THIS XWF THAT! what kind of name is andy cortnvis sounds like a dang religion! whats next someome going to play Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up!!! so Mauler never lost to Jamar's child-support payin' ass but he did to me so does that make me better then Jamar yea for me, lets get f**k up tonight!!!
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Post by BillBlakkxwf on Apr 1, 2011 18:51:00 GMT -6
The fight continues as Bill chokeslams another combatant through a table. He turns to the camera. BILL: Hold! The! Damn! Phone! Andy 'Centurion' Cortinovis just stepped up to the plate. Unlike the other folks that pass for 'talent' here, call me impressed. You sir are an XWF Legend and I look forward to facing you. I just found my challenge. Now, we will truly see how age and experience fare against strength and savagery. It is the greatness of you and men like you that I am trying to live up to in the new XWF...so forgive me if I don't compromise, and I scream my ability to the heavens...but I learned the basics watching you and your fellow Legends...and I am taking the lessons I learned and building on them. That being said, Andy, I look forward to finding out just how much of your 'respect' I can earn in the fed cup!
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