DISCLAIMER: The following passage was taken from James Raven’s personal blog, “The Ravens Nest”. All mention of any persons living or dead is intentional, and it probably means that he doesn’t like you very much. The contents of this passage may be considered by many to be offensive, and if you agree with that assessment for the love of God suck it up and stop being a bitch.
DATE OF POSTING: March 30, 2011 (Wednesday, for the record)
TIME OF POSTING: Look at your watch, homeboy.
MOOD: Amused. Hungry. Can hungry be a mood?
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Are You Talking to Me, Pumpkin?I don’t like it when people call me out. I don’t like it when people that I don’t like call me out. I don’t like it when people that I don’t like call me out simply because they get a mental hard-on at the sound of their own voice. I don’t like when people that I don’t like call me out simply because they get a mental hard-on at the sound of their own voice, and think that just because they hold a tainted championship around their waist I'll be too afraid to strike back.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t like Firebomb.
Let's answer one thing right off the bat, m'kay sweetheart? What is this really about? Are you upset because I may have made a few negative remarks about the only company that you've ever been able to cut it in, or are you ashamed that I called you a full blown retard in your own backyard? If it's the latter, the simple solution would be that you get smarter, and if you don't know what the word "latter" means you've just proven my point for me.
No, it's not something you climb up to reach the cereal on the top shelf.
Don't be embarassed, Firebomb, it's not just you... tens of millions of people in the world today are retarded. We have a word for them in Toronto; Americans. However, do us all a favor and embrace your inner "special". Don't insult OUR intelligence by trying to claim it's not there, because no offense, but I'm pretty sure Sarah Palin scores higher than you on an I.Q. test and your S.A.T. marks made Vince Youngs Wonderlic test look phenomnal. You talk as if English were your secondary language, but you never learned a primary one. Turn off the Playboy Channel and open a fucking book, AND NO... Playboy Magazine doesn't count.
Did you not watch Tropic Thunder? NEVER GO FULL RETARD!
OK, I think I've hammered the "2 + 2 = Jell-O" point home by now... I don't need The National Association of Special Needs Carers coming down on me next week. I'm pretty sure by going off on you for this long, I've already commited a hate crime.
So if you're not upset about that, it must be because I made a few comments about the WPW and their "talent" that you didn't like, right? It must have been because I implied that you may not be the greatest wrestler of all time, and that I could (*gasp*) beat you twelve times out of ten, right? Here's the thing, I don't make false claims. If I say something it's because I know damn well I can back that shit up. I don't care if you (finally) managed to grab the World title after your 20 year career in the sport because I guarantee if Roy Lee, Lily and Ryan gave me an honest shot I'd have that thing off you in two months flat; and thats including the one month and twenty nine day resting period my contract comes with.
But noooo... that'll never fucking happen, will it? You're nose is so far up Ryans ass that I see your nostrils every time he opens his mouth. He couldn't stand the sight of his World Champion being exposed as a fraud. He couldn't stand his "top guy" being put down like a dog with rabies in the center of the ring for the world to see, so we all have to sit here and pretend there's NOT an asterisk next to your title reign. f**k outta here... you want to tell me that Dynamic Dynamite was a corporate ass kisser? You want to tell me my only success in HWO was because I was choking on Mr. Carters meat stick?
Have you ever stopped to consider the only reason you are where you are is because you've spent the past decade catching whatever it is that Ryansup is pitching? Or is it the other way around? I know, WPW, someone is finally willing to say what you've all been afraid to think. Feel free to make any gratuities payable to "Cash".
So, are we done here? Or do you feel like rattling off some more "big wins" you had back when I was seven years old? I get it, your old as shit, and you've beaten some of the same people I have... that doesn't mean your skilled, that just means that even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while, and your neice "Lucy U" finds two all up in her grill every time she comes to visit my trailer.
I say we cut this shit out, Firebomb. I'm not in the mood to argue back and forth because you feel like your territory is being threatened, because if I was even slightly interested in it the entire thing would already be mine. If you've still got a problem, do something about it. Don't sit back like a pussy behind your camcorder and talk shit when no one was talking to you in the first place. We both know if you wanted to make that match happen, you could. Ryan owes you a few favors after the knob polishing you gave him.
Until you man up and take me down, it's fairly obvious to everyone that you're just one more name on the long list of men and women that Fear the Raven... Forevermore.
- Sincerely Yours,
Jimmy
P.S. We all know a "promo" isn't a piece of gold until it has random camera shots of shit that has nothing to do with what we're talking about, right? I picked that up from you, oh wise one. Toodles!